An Impossible choice they gave me to make.
A choice for anyone to make to cruel.
A choice a sane compassionate woman could never take
A Choice it wasn’t
An ultimatum it was
A New joy the day I found out I felt
At my soul tugging a little hand
Ache from Joy that choice would turn
A Choice it wasn’t
An ultimatum it was
At night remembering my soul does shake
Anew my eyes filled with tears
Answering sin with sin , The Audacity
A Choice it wasn’t
An ultimatum it was
Denitri,
ReplyDeleteI like the way you chose to inver the syntax. A lot of it works really well, I think. When you use this trick, it makes the poem fresh, something new and different. A warning, though, is if you aren't careful with some of the lines, you can end up sounding like Yoda from star wars. I think some of the best lines are "I felt at my soul tugging a little hand." I really like the working of it. You might think about going back through the other lines and seeing which inversions work best and which don't.
I have a sort of feeling of what I think this poem is speaking about, but am not exactly sure. I know that often, when I write poetry, it makes complete sense to me, but sometimes an outside reader has no clue what I'm saying. I think that the theme/idea of this poem could be made more clear through images like the one of a little hand tugging. It's an excellent image, and it's what draws me into the poem most.
Keep up the good work!